Do you remember me?

Do you remember me?
Do you remember me, the me I used to be?
Do you remember my hopes and dreams, before life took over and changed the dream?
Do you remember what made me sing? What made my heart skip a beat? Before I knew how cruel the world could be?
Do you remember me? What made me smile, laugh, or even cry?
I often try to remember me, the me that used to be, but try as I may, I can’t seem to find her.
Do you remember me? Can you help me find her?

So what!

The last couple of years have been rough on us. Its hard to make a resolution when so much of our lives have been up ended. Still…

My resolution for 2022 is to live fearlessly. I have always wanted to write and speak. I have dabbled at it for years. This year I’m going to write. I am currently working on a book.

Will it be good? I hope so, but even if its not, so what? I won’t know until I try.

I have always operated from a place of fear.

What if I say the wrong thing?

What if they (whoever they are) don’t like me?

What if I make a fool of myself?

What if??????

This year I’m going to do it! Whatever it is, I’m going to try the things that scare me. I might fail, but who cares, thats better than not ever taking a chance.

Here is to doing what scares you! Lets be women who live fearlessly, who take chances and do things that scare us! Lets be who we admire, we all have gifts, use them! There is no time like the present to become who God made you to be. Join me won’t you!

Follow Me

In John 21:19 Christ reminds Peter and the disciples to follow Him. Christ is His mercy has shown himself for a third time to the disciples after a long night of fishing. Peter jumps from the boat to swim ahead of the other disciples who are carrying a huge catch of fish. This after fishing all night and catching nothing. I love this place in scripture.

Peter, who I find much in common with, is reminded that Jesus has a plan for him. In true Peter style he wants know what the plan is… for John. Jesus reminds him that His plan for John is His plan for John and Peter need not be concerned.

Oh man! Is that not us! It is me. I get side tracked and worry about, get jealous of, what someone else is doing. The Lord has often had to remind me that He is in control and my only job is to follow and obey Him. Not others, no matter how much I might want to. I need not worry about what He has planned for the “John’s ” in my life.

One of the hardest lessons in life is that people move on. No matter how much someone means to you or how much life you do together, sometimes, often times, they move on.

We recently had to make some tough decisions for our family. Good and right decision, but still hard and painful ones. We prayed that our relationships would endure the changes. Sadly many have not. Most have changed. It’s been/is an emotional season. I’m often caught off guard by the sadness of once close friends treating me/us like a stranger or worse with the slightest of contempt.

My friend Grant use to ask, “is life like high school or is high school like life.” I am finding life is often times cruelly like high school. The cool kids, and the not cool kids. Where you find yourself varies by the day. Once a part of the” it” crowd, one move that they disagree with or don’t understandable you’re out. I’m currently out. I’m mostly okay with it. But…sometimes it stings, a lot.

Like when you have a celebration and friends who once wouldn’t miss it, have little-if anything to say and no time to be a part of it.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand they need the distance. I get it. I’m not going to push. Just ouch.

So why tell you this, because I know I’m not alone in this. I’m sure I have distanced myself from people in my life. I even know that sometimes we have no choice but to distance ourselves. So if you are in a place today that feels distant and lonely, you’re not alone. Keep on, keep your eyes fixed on Christ. He knows your sorrow, your fears, your hurts.

I mean how many times do we as parents have this very talk with our children.

Sister! You are His child.

I don’t know all the lessons this season will hold, But I do know the Lord will use it in whatever way He sees fit, to grow me and my family. Today feels like a valley, I’m thankful valleys are where the Lord grows us.

Come let’s grow together. ❤️

ChChChChanges

Everyone is full of advice when you are having babies. They are all smiles and jokes about never sleeping again.  Your life will never be the same, they joke, and they are right! Babies are wonderful and magical and you will lose A LOT of sleep. Its a fantastic time!

However… no one tells you that they grow up so fast. It seems we just brought Zach home. He was all of 4lbs, so tiny and sweet, and now he is graduating. It’s an exciting and happy time, but Momma’s, it’s also a hard time. He is so excited about life, but when he talks about life, Mom is not the center. He talks about his own home, his future job, and wife and kids, and dreams. Its so fun to hear, but I know my role has changed. I am no longer his person. You know what I mean? When they are little the whole world revolves around Mom! It is full of Mom! Look what I did! and Mom! come see this! For a brief, brief moment you have all of their attention.

You see in truth you feel for that brief moment you have control, and lets face it, we take some comfort in that. In truth we never had, I never had any control. But… man, I liked the illusion of it.

It seems my whole life has been a lesson in letting go and letting God. I fight so hard to be in control, only to re-learn I never had any to begin with. In the moments that I let my guard down, I realize what a blessing it is to not be in control.

Why do I fight so hard?

I don’t know. All I do know is that the Lord has always and will always love Zach better than me. So in this season of happy and hard, I will sing, and praise my savior. For He knows the way is hard, and he knows my Momma heart is hurting, and bursting with pride at the same time.

I don’t know what season you are in, but I  don’t have to. God does, trust Him, even through your season of joyfully hard…..

I may be doing it wrong!

        I’m reading a wonderful book, with lots of advice on child rearing, and education and house keeping, well life I guess…it’s a book about life. I am learning so much, some of it is just a refresher, things I knew but life got in the way and I stopped doing or just stopped because it was to much work.  

     Last night I’m telling my little family all about this book and how much I’m learning and how excited I am to make some changes! First I am not going to be “telling you again” to do your chores. Maybe this isn’t a problem at your house, at mine it is. Somehow over time it became acceptable to not do your chores unless or until Mom “mentioned it “loudly and often! So the new rule is, I will not be reminding you to do your chores. You know what they are and if they are not done then consequences will follow. 

     It probably sounds much like a talk you have had with your children at some point. Pretty basic stuff. But then my youngest son looks at me and says, “Is this forever, or just for right now? Cuz sometimes its just for right know.” Ouch. I have been called out by a 7 year old. He has caught on, I start out with good intentions, but lose steam and slack off, allowing them to slack off and eventually its back to the if she don’t see it, we don’t gotta do it ,routine. I gotta win this battle. Right? So I say it’s forever, I mean it.

     Without skipping a beat my little sweet boy looks at me and says,”Did this come from the bible?”  Oh my! this one pays attention. Any wavering at this point and I lose this battle. So, I sit for a minute, gathering my thoughts, all the while my oldest son telling him to hush, he knows that if he rolls with it ,this to shall pass, but Zeke, he isn’t going to let this go. Yes, it is all biblical. I explain that it’s my job to help him become a man, and that doing his chores and school and obeying his parents are part of that training. He is fine with this explanation. 

     I’m sure he won’t spend anymore time thinking about it. At 7, it is what it is. I have done nothing but think about it. How important is it that we stay the course, even when it’s hard and life gets in the way. My family looks to me to keep things running, and there is comfort in knowing that I will do that. More importantly, it is my job, my lifes work, my calling. I had not put much thought into who is watching me, and how my ways were effecting them, but here he was looking at me and telling me, Mom, can you be trusted?

      I now pretty heavy stuff for a Friday!

      I’m not telling you how to run your home, or how to do your job. I’m simply telling you that sometimes, we can all get caught up in other stuff, not bad stuff, but stuff just the same, and lose focous on what we are to be about doing. Sure we all need a break every now and then, but don’t let the break be the rule. Keep your focous and don’t lose heart. I may have been doing it wrong, but it’s never to late to start doing it right. So if you are doing it wrong, start with me today! Lets strive to do it right!